


please, please don't leave

by ariquitecontrary



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3x05 Alternate Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 03:23:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21129962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariquitecontrary/pseuds/ariquitecontrary
Summary: There's only one person Eddie wants to talk to when he's like this.





	please, please don't leave

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I just love writing alternate endings to these episodes. 
> 
> This is literally so much cheese, I'm sorry.

Eddie’s hand is held high over his head in triumph. He throws his head back and yells out; in victory, in anger, in heartache, he doesn’t know. He knows that it feels good, though. It feels good to yell and get all of the ugly feelings that are lingering inside of him out. It feels good to hit something. ‘_Someone_’ his subconscious whispers to him in the back of his head. He’s hitting _someone_. 

The guy is still laying on the floor and for the first time since he started pounding on him, Eddie realizes just exactly what he’s done. He just beat up another guy and for _what?_ To stand here like an animal? Roaring into a full crowd filled with empty people cheering him on for nearly killing someone? 

Like he’s just been burned, he pulls his hand out of the ref’s grasp. He blinks rapidly, like he’s trying to will the sight in front of him away. The man on the floor looks over at him and Eddie wants to throw up. What is he doing? This isn’t him. This has never been him. He’s better than this. 

He turns and all but runs back to his car. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but he knows he has to get the hell out of here. 

.

.

.

It shouldn’t surprise him that he ends up in front of Buck’s door. He doesn’t even really remember the drive here. It had almost been pure instinct. He’s upset, he’s hurting, he wants _Buck_. He doesn’t care about the lawsuit and the stupid fucking rules. He’s been missing him for so long now and, deep down, he knows why he’s really here. 

Still though, he hesitates in front of the door. If this were any other day, he’d use the key that Buck gave him once upon a time. But this isn’t any other day. He doesn’t know where he and Buck stand and he hates it. He hates that he yelled at him earlier, hates the look that he’d put on Buck’s face. He hates that Buck put them in this situation in the first place. They were supposed to be best friends. Did he even matter to him? Did Buck even care that Eddie missed him? That Eddie’s been hurting so badly that it feels like he can’t breathe sometimes? Does Buck even miss him? 

He should leave. He should get out of here and just go home. Why is he even here? 

Like his arm has a mind of its own, it reaches out and knocks on the door loudly. What time is it? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t even know if Buck is home. 

_God, he hopes he’s home. _

It feels like hours before the door finally opens. 

Buck looks tired, but underneath that there’s a sort of happiness that Eddie hasn’t seen since the lawsuit business. He’s in sweats and an old black t-shirt. He looks comfortable and Eddie has to stop himself from reaching out and doing something incredibly stupid. 

“Eddie? What the hell? What happened to you?” Buck’s looking at him in horror and _right, he’s pretty banged up right now. _

He hadn’t prepared a speech to say. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do now, but somehow, standing in front of Buck who’s looking at him with concerned eyes, makes him want to scream or cry. He focuses on the first feeling. 

“Did you even care?” He bites out, not caring that he’s still standing outside of the threshold like a weirdo to any passerby. 

“What?” 

“Stop looking so confused!” Eddie yells, suddenly so angry. “You know what you did, Buck. Did you even care?” 

“Eddie, I—.” 

“I miss you,” he admits. “All I want to do is talk to you. I’ve needed to talk to you and you weren’t there. Did you even care? _Do_ you even care?” 

“Of course I do, Eddie!” 

“Then why did you do it? Why did you do something that you _knew_ would prevent us from talking? Do I mean that little to you?” It’s word vomit. He’s about to spill everything; how he cares about Buck in a more than friendly way, how he yearns for him, how he wants to kiss him right now and beg him to never leave him again. 

“Eddie,” Buck says softly as he reaches out to him slowly, like he’s scared he’ll run away. He doesn’t understand how wrong he is. If he touches Eddie then that’s it. Eddie thinks he might crumble in his arms and ask him if he can stay there forever. “Come inside, okay? Let me look you over.” 

“I’m fine,” Eddie snaps, but when Buck grabs ahold of his hand and pulls him into the apartment gently, he follows willingly. 

Buck leads him over the table in the kitchen and sits him down like he’s some kind of child. He comes back after a few minutes with a bag of ice that he places on Eddie’s cheek. He hisses at the contact but Buck just gives him an unimpressed look. 

“What did you do, Eddie?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” He’s ashamed to admit what he did tonight. He doesn’t want Buck to look at him in disappointment. He doesn’t want his opinion of him to change. He wonders if it would. 

“Please talk to me,” Buck begs him. 

“Why should I?” He doesn’t know why he wants to fight so badly. He’s here. Buck is here. Buck’s hand is on his knee; Buck is _touching him_. It should be enough for him, and maybe it is, but he can’t let go of all his hurt and anger. He doesn’t know how. “You suddenly give a shit about me?” 

“I’ve always given a shit about you!” Buck finally snaps in frustration, he throws his hands up and the ice pack falls. Neither of them move to pick it back up. “Do you think I sat around here having the time of my life? No, Eddie. I fucking missed you too.” 

The words send a jolt through him. They’re _almost_ enough. 

“Then why’d you do it? Why would you agree to do something you knew would keep us apart?” Buck frowns and looks away from him. He’ll blame it on the adrenaline in his veins, on the anger in his heart, but he reaches out and grabs Buck’s chin with his hand and forces him look at him. His touch is gentle and loving, a stark difference from how he looks. “Tell me why you did it.” 

Buck’s eyes move along his face rapidly as if they’re trying to look for something that isn’t there. Eventually he completely deflates and sags a little causing Eddie’s hand to fall from its grasp on him. 

“I don’t know,” Buck says quietly. “I just… this job is all I have, Eddie. All of you guys have something more to go home to. I don’t. This job is my life and I guess it felt like it was being taken away from me. I know that’s not the truth and I know that I fucked up, but I wasn’t thinking. I was just mad and hurt and confused.” 

“Damn right you weren’t thinking,” Eddie says, but it lacks the heat from earlier. He’s tired of fighting. He doesn’t want to be upset anymore. “But you’re wrong.” Buck looks at him in confusion. “The job isn’t all you have.” Against his better judgement, he reaches out and grabs Buck’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Buck looks at him in shock, but doesn’t pull away. “You have me. You’ve _always_ had me.” 

Tears start to pool in Buck’s eyes. 

“Eddie…” 

“I wanted to call you so badly,” he admits. Buck squeezes his hand and Eddie closes his eyes at the beautiful feeling. “There’s so much I’ve wanted to tell you. I needed you, Buck. I really needed you.” 

“I’m sorry,” Buck whispers and the tears finally fall from his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Eddie. I don’t… Do you hate me?” 

The question takes him so off guard that he actually reels back at it. 

“Hate you?” He echoes, incredulously. “Buck, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I hate what you did, because it kept us apart.” 

Buck nods, but it’s a sad and slow thing. “You should hate me.”

And now _he_ looks so broken. Despite the pain that he’s in, the anger that’s still there, albeit dormant, Eddie reaches out and pulls Buck towards him, hugging him close to his chest. Buck’s arms wrap around him and try to pull him even closer, though Eddie doesn’t think that’s really possible. 

“Don’t you get it?” Eddie whispers into Buck’s hair. “All I wanted these past few weeks was _you_. I just wanted you.” 

“I missed you,” Buck says quietly. “So much. Christopher too.” 

“Don’t leave,” Eddie says, voice slightly commanding and slightly begging. “Don’t leave me again.” 

He feels Buck shake his head from where it’s laying on Eddie’s shoulder. 

“I won’t. I’m sorry. Everything… that’s done. It’s all done. It’s behind us.” 

“Behind us?” Eddie pulls back to look at Buck’s face. The other man looks so small and scared, like he’s waiting for Eddie to leave him. He has to make sure that Buck knows that won’t happen. “What does that mean?” 

“Oh.” Buck looks surprised. “I got reinstated.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen in shock. “What? Why didn’t I know about this?” 

“I went to the Rage Room today with the team. I asked Lena about you. She said you had plans.” He looks him over. “What kind of plans did you have exactly?” 

He wants to lie and maybe if Buck were anyone else, he would lie, but he’s not. 

“Lena took me to this street fighting thing the other night. I went back.” 

Buck looks at him in horror. “What the fuck, Eddie? That’s why you look like this? What if you’d gotten hurt? Huh? What happens then? Did you even think about Christopher in this scenario?” He winces as shame flows through him. He’d been so in the moment, so full of rage that he hadn’t thought about the what if’s. “You can’t do that again, Eddie. I’m serious. You’re done with that.” 

Eddie nods. “I am.” 

“I mean it. Don’t even go there to watch with Lena.” 

“I won’t.” And he does mean it. It had been stupid and reckless and he already regrets it. 

“Next time you want to let off steam, come talk to me, okay? I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He reaches out for Eddie and places a hand on his cheek, careful of the bruise that’s forming there. 

“Promise?” 

“I promise.” 

Eddie leans into his touch. They have a lot to talk about, a lot to get out in the air. But right here, right now, with Buck holding his face tenderly and looking at him with so much adoration in his eyes, Eddie knows that they’re going to be okay. This is the beginning of something and for the first time since all this mess started, he’d excited for what comes next.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on tumblr @ joaquin-desantos & let me know what you think of this :)
> 
> thank u for reading <3


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